You'd think I'd get tired of always being right.

Ok, so when I started all of this, I knew in the back of my head, despite all of my good intentions, that this would likely fall by the wayside in no time. I knew that I would be gung-ho about blogging, about writing in general, and about sharing creative space with friends and family. We actually all kept it up for a while, much to my surprise. I suppose life gets in the way, though, and other things become a priority.

That's the thing, though. For most of the last year, I have had little to no priorities. I had no job, no relationship, no life, pretty much. I sat around, watched a lot of tv, searched the same few job websites way too much, and just generally did nothing. The logical person would assume this meant lots of time for blogging, writing, journaling, and creativity in general. Sure, being laid off did afford me time to do all of those things, but I couldn't bring myself to blog about my life. Here's how it would have gone:

Got up at 10 today. Ok, maybe it was 11. Had some lunch, surfed some job web sites, watched Gilmore Girls.

That's seriously what a typical day looked like for "Lay Off Sandi." Who in their right mind would ever read anything like that? Why would I want to write it? To make myself feel worse? No, I decided that until I had something to write about, I was not going to write anything at all.

Isn't it funny how I could make that rule and stick to it, but "Stop eating junk food" falls by the wayside after a day?

I don't really have a huge lot of things to write about, because with the one exception of getting a job, my life is pretty much as boring as the above statement; I just get up much earlier. I had signed up for a Creative Writing class at MUN, and was really looking forward to getting those proverbial creative juices flowing. I knew I had some good ideas, I just needed a little prodding to unleash them. The class was cancelled due to lack of interest. Come on, wannabe writers! There's got to be a few more of you guys out there somewhere!

In lieu of the class, I vowed to write something every week. I gave myself homework, as it were. I would either journal, blog, or work on some stories. So far, it's been going pretty well. I have started a short story, I've at least re-read a few I've already started in the hopes I'll pick them up again, and have even written some haikus. Don't look at me like that. Haikus are fun.

I was talking about this with The Friends, NL Edition, AKA, Tracey and Dave. They are not to be confused with The Friends, Ottawa Edition, or Susanne, Frank and Paul. Tracey and Dave have also shown an interest in blogging and writing, so we three decided we would write something and get together semi-regularly to present it and discuss it. Well, we gave ourselves our first assignment, but have sadly not been able to get together for the review. I have four pages of a short story to show them. If it doesn't totally suck, I'll post it here.

As well, I've toyed with the idea of a personal blog. I love the idea of it, and it will be fun and cathartic to write about what I'm feeling or what's happening to me, but I am really afraid it's just going to be a whiny complain-fest, and no one wants to read that. I've got a few entries written, though, and I like them so far. I'll update this blog and Facebook with details if I set this up.

Here's a haiku, just for fun:

Go see my new blog.
I swear it won't be whiny.
Hopefully, you'll laugh.

Launch of Paragon III

Tuesday, April 20, 2010 at 8:00pm at The Ship Pub. One of my short stories, "Mr Zappa's Dinner Party" is being published in the latest edition of Paragon.

Just a heads up to anyone not on Facebook, and to anyone that still checks in here!

A romantic-horror movie?

Wondering if it would work? What would the 'horror' be? Supernatural? A slasher? Zombies? A slasher-zombie who was awakened by the supernatural?

It is in the works, along with the Barge, Mom's story, and other assorted goodies.

Too much time on my hands?

Thoughts on winter Sunday

Why do we have to conform to a specific identity?

When is the right time to leave and make a fresh start?

I don't want to give in on the dream.

I want to see all of the movies on the "Video Nasties" list.

I can't get my DVD player to work.

Iron Maiden are as equally good a band with Paul Di'Anno as vocalist.

When will I get my first book published?

One of my stories has been accepted to be published by Paragon Press.

I'm drinking Icewine tea. It's not that good.

Music is the filter through which the soul sees itself.

It's time to try the paint set that I got two Christmas's ago.

You can't stop rock n' roll. Dee Snider said so.

The number of times we can separate the evil from the lost is unaccessable.

What DO You Want From LIFE?

In 1975, on their debut album, San Francisco-based rockers The Tubes asked one simple question:

“What do you want from life?”

A question most people have an answer for.

“A new job.”

Makes sense.

“To be fifty pounds lighter.”

Me too.

“To be rich.”

Who doesn’t?

“To sleep with that hot guy from the Twilight movie.”

Ok...

But if you really thought about what you want from life, how would you answer?

Would you answer honestly, or MORE honestly, given time to think?

Or, would you answer, “Nothing”?

I’ve been asking this question of myself for a decade.

In that time, I’ve:

Annoyed friends and family with mindless “what do I want from life” rants.

Listened to said song for inspiration.

Worked at a half-dozen jobs.

Had a couple of girlfriends.

Gone back to school in 2006 and got my English degree from Memorial University.

But with a new year upon us, I had to ask myself point blank:

What do YOU want from life?

So I decided it was time to take inventory.

I’m thirty-six years old, I’m unemployed, and I live at home with my folks.

Until I started to do something proactive last November, I was fat (still are, big guy, but keep working on it, you’re not as fat as you used to be), and I was a smoker (good job quitting, by the way. Cold turkey no less).

I’m bald (it’s only hair, keep it cut REAL short and no one will notice the receding hairline.)

I’ve never travelled anywhere (meaning I’ve never been on a plane, and I’ve never left the province of Newfoundland. And no, St. Pierre doesn’t count.)

I’ve been single for the last six years.

I don’t own a car.

My wardrobe consists of ragged jeans, sweats, and rock ‘n’ roll t-shirts. (I FINALLY got my Speak of the Devil ’83 Tour t-shirt.)

I don’t own an iPhone. I do own an iPod. (Yes, What Do You Want from Life is there.)

I don’t own a single CD. I do have every Frank Zappa album ever released. (Even Cruising with Reuben & the Jets? Yup.)

My television isn’t HD. It’s fifteen years old. (It’s only twenty-seven inches. But size isn’t important, right?)

I have a very supportive and loving family. (Thankfully.)

I have great friends. Some who I’ve known for over thirty years. (All of them are insane.)

Quite a list. Some trivial, some important.

Still doesn’t answer the question.

Instead it brings up more questions.

Who decides what life is made up of?

How can I answer the question with “Nothing.”

Let’s take things in order.

Age?

Can’t change that.

Job?

You work forty hours a week at your job. Maybe more.

Jobs are central to our lives.

The problem is so many people have a JOB, when what they’re seeking is a CAREER.

A career is something you do your entire life.

A career can encompass different jobs.

See how that works?

I’ve yet to nail down the JOB that is part of the CAREER I want to pursue.

I want to be a writer.

I’ve yet to find a steady job doing that, thus forcing me to work jobs that I dislike.

Thus delaying me from starting my career.

So I keep looking for a better opportunity.

Living at home?

That will change according to this formula: well-paying job + saving some cash x repairing slightly damaged credit / paying down as much existing debt while living at home = situation not changing any time soon.

Fat?

I’m working on that.

And it’s been hard work.

Since I quit smoking and started working out (over a year ago) I’ve lost about fifty pounds.

And I can breathe again.

Next step: seeing my doctor and improving my diet.

Bald?

That’s why God invented hair clippers, and the buzz-cut.

Travelling?

A similar formula to living at home. This time you replace the square root of y with the divisor of x (y*z)....

I never was good at math.

Money, as is the case with all of life’s problems, would solve that equation.

Not that I have a great desire to travel, but it would be nice to be able to if I wanted to.

Single?

No job and no place of my own are factors in this.

And, quite honestly, I’m not looking.

Sure, there are things I miss, not having a girlfriend.

Sex. Companionship.

Right now I don’t have my life together.

So why drag someone else into that?

Car?

Money. The six cars I owed were money traps.

Used cars break down and become unreliable.

New cars have monthly payments.

Both have insurance and gas.

So I’m thankful that I don’t own car.

Down the road, it will be a necessity.

Wardrobe?

Not a concern.

As long as I’m comfortable, I’m happy.

Gadgets, electronics, and toys?

I’d love to get a new TV.

A Playstation 3 would be nice.

But an iPhone?

Nah.

My cell phone is fine. As is my iPod.

Family and friends?

Essential.

I don’t have very much, but I would have much less without my family and friends.

My folks have been patient and understanding; letting me stay here while I get myself together.

My friends are supportive and encouraging; especially Jason, who has helped me save a ton in gym membership fees.

I’m grateful to have a great network like that behind me.

So, what do I want from life?

To be thirty-six, employed, and living on my own.

With a good job. One I enjoy. Pays well enough. (No, I don’t expect I will enjoy it every day. Rather naive to think that about any job.)

I DO want to lose fifty more pounds.

Maybe to travel. A little. A golf trip. Somewhere warm.

I’m ok with being single.

A new car. No preference as to what kind. As long as it’s reliable.

My wardrobe will stay the same.

A new TV and PS3, so I can join the 21st century.

Already set with family and friends.

Who decides what life is made up of?

Me.

How can I answer “nothing?”

You’ll have to keep reading.

Movie Review

Flex (2010)

Starring Glenn Myrick, Curtis Roberts, Dwayne Simmons, and Nugget the Dog.

Directed by Kevin Layman

Those of you who work in an office environment will easily identify with the cubicled world of Flex, and exciting and riveting short film from maverick director Kevin Layman. Layman brilliantly portrays his three characters, and their narrow world inside a small, stuffy room, where walls keep each worker 'walled off' from each other.

The stiff and robotic Curtis Roberts. How he switches hats from scene to scene. A visual reminder that hats are important to society as a reminder of the fleeting futility of life.

Roberts makes us realize that we are not alone.

Myrick and his cold pens. Who among us can say that we have never suffered this indignity? And in a time when pens are becoming passé, due to our ever-increasing reliance on technology, the pen represents a symbol of the past, of a better time.

Myrick's gloved hands remind us of our fleeting past.

The Balloon Man. Sheer brilliance. The single most awesome character in film history. He's riveting. He's captivating. He's Tom Cruise, Marlon Brando, and "Weird Al" Yankovic all in one. His silence is a silence that echoes through us all. A one-word utterance: No. He is not finished with the balloon. He needs that balloon.

We all need that balloon.

Flex is a visual tour-de-force of how we are slipping through life, forgetting about the simple things, be they pens, balloons, or your own kaleidoscopic existence.

You MUST see this movie.

September 2009. Wow.

No need to say anything else really.

Been a LONG time since anyone posted here.

That has to change.