When we last left the riveting details that are my life, I was talking about jobs.
Where am I going with this tail of woe and misery you may ask? Well, how much of it is misery? What do I have to be miserable about? Isn't that fact that I have my health, my family and friends enough?
In a word, no.
When times are tough, someone will always say 'someone out there has it worse than you.'I'm sure that there are millions of people out there who have it a lot worse than I do.
But I have one word to say to that response:
Bullshit.
Sure, lots of other people don't have jobs. Are single. In debt. Unhappy with their working situations. I'm not alone in that at all, and never claimed to be.
But all I have to say to that is I don't give a shit about anyone else. My problems are my problems. The only other people's problems I care about are my friends and families. So the fact that there are 'people' out there that have it worse than me doesn't hold much weight with me as an argument for me 'cheering up', or 'looking on the bright side', or some other corny, useless saying. And don't forget, I'm a guy who knows about holding weight.
I know what I have to do. I have to get a job. That will get the creditors off my back. It will end the annoying phone calls. I'll hopefully be able to start saving some money and repairing my credit enough to look at getting a loan so I can finally move out. Start a relationship. Get a car. Be my own man.
But at what cost? Am I supposed to sacrifice that last three years just so I can have these things? Once that happens, will I be happy now that I'm just like everyone else?
No, I won't.
Because I don't want what everyone else wants.
In fact I don't really know what I want. Yet.
But I do know what I don't want.
Right now I don't want to get married. Or have kids. I have yet to travel anywhere. I have yet to live on my own. I don't think I want my first experiences in those areas to be with a wife or a family.
To some that may be surprising, but besides my not taking a job for the sake of taking a job I really feel strongly about this. I'm happy for all of my friends and family who have chosen this route. I'm glad to have gained new family members and friends through this process.
But it's not for me.
And I don't know if it ever will be.
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Well, speaking as one who has a job pretty much just to pay the bills, and not because it's particularly noble or enjoyable, the longer I do it, the worse I feel. I feel like I've let time slip away from me in the name of pocket money or paying down a debt. Those things are important, of course, but I feel like a bit of a sell-out. I have no idea how to break the cycle, exactly, other than go back to school and learn something else, or to give it up completely and hope for the best, but they are both huge steps to take, and it would be hard to give up having a bit of money every month to have a little fun with.
ReplyDeleteThere must be an answer somewhere....I'm waiting for my Oprah-sanctioned 'light-bulb moment.'
I find the last few weeks I am fed up with an awful lot of things. Complaining about it helps, but a lot of my beefs are ones that are never going to be solved; they have to do with other people and I can't control what other people do.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I will have a Part 3 to this tale of anger, frustration and sorrow sometime today or tomorrow.
I don't mean this to sound "trite", but why not look for a chance to teach English abroad? You're more than qualified, and this would give you the chance to see the world, and make (and save, more importantly) some money. In fact, these are the only reasons I did it. I'm not saying this is a world-beating problem solver, but its a possibility.
ReplyDeleteA great idea, and I have thought of it; but there is one huge problem: I have no $$$. How would I get there?
ReplyDeleteIt does take money to get to new places and try new things and jobs etc, but its the best decision i ever made coming over here. I might not have a job I truly love, but it does have its days and it pays sort of well, and I figure I will always get opportunities to do my photography if i want. And being over here has allowed me to travel and see places and things I have never or may have never seen. Its the kinda the thing you just have to get up and do, you might have to do something(job related)that you dont wholly love but I'm sure there is something in the meantime that can make you happy, until you get to where it is you want and need to go. Sorry if that sounds all trite! Oh ya and another bonus of coming over here, I got the Decster out of it! :-p
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