Well, I've made the decision to go back home and see what I can make of myself. As I mentioned before, I was laid off in January (a jarring event even if I disliked the job at heart), and since then, haven't been able to decide what to do. We've had constant discussions about what we should do, and finally we decided that I would go home first, try to find a job/settle down etc, and then she can follow when things are "normal".
If this sounds strange, its because a Chinese citizen needs a visa to get into Canada, and to get this, she needs a sponsor (i.e. someone who will "be responsible" for her, money wise, when she comes to Canada). If I want to be the sponsor, it would be better if I was settled down, had a job, etc, rather than just doing it with no guarantee of the future.
Herein lies the difficulty. Visa processing can take anywhere up to 6 months, so separation is inevitable. We just don't see any other better way, however...if we're going to establish ourselves back home, it needs to be secure. We debated various options, but this one seems to be the best. Actually, I don't know if anything is "the best"; I just do what I have to do.
For me, its not a simple matter of just moving back home, either. I've lived abroad for about 8 years now, and am a visitor to my own country. I don't have any health coverage (free, that is) or any job/purchasing history in Canada going back 8 years. All of this will have to be re-established.
Living abroad was my choice, and I'm not in any way dissatisfied with it. I got married abroad. Thanks to the low cost of living, I was able to travel to interesting places I would never have dreamed of going, to eliminate all of my debt (except for some minor credit card bills), and to buy a house (which isn't even finished yet, but that's another story). Being out of the country has been very good to me, you might say.
Therein lies the other difficulty. What if I come home and am a "failure" (whatever that might be)? What if I can't establish myself? What if I have to "slink off with my tail between my legs" back to Asia? The self-doubting questions go on and on.
This has been an incredibly difficult decision for me to make. If I was single, I wouldn't care so much, but I have to take another into account in this. I have to constantly remind myself that nothing, no matter how bad it seems, is the end of the world, and that, sometimes, a little hardship is necessary before good things can happen.
If you're among those who pray, slip in a little intercession for us and this decision.
(BTW, I didn't reveal my wife's name not because I'm being rude, but to keep it from "online"...anyone who matters knows it anyway).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I can't even imagine how hard a decision this is for you guys to make. Me and Terry had a hard enough decision to make when we moved to Mount Pearl! And we're only fifteen minutes away from Mom and Dad and we're already thinking about moving back to the east end of town, if we could swing it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you said about hardship though, I keep on telling myself that most days. I've had it pretty easy for most of my life and I guess now I need to go through a little hardship of my own before we can start a family.
Not to be selfish or anything, but we'd love to have you guys living here. I've come to realize that I need my family around me and it's just not the same with you, Sandi and Lauren so far away. I think you should all move home, but that's not for me to decide. Regardless, we're thinking about you guys and hope that you can find a place for yourselves over here.
I'm totally going through the same things, Bob. About 85% of me wants to move home, while the remaining percentage is constantly asking, "Is that the answer though? Will I find a job? How hard would it be to move back in with the family, even if it's only short-term?" I know I need a change in my life, but going back home is not going to be like being on vacation there.
ReplyDeleteAnd I feel like you too, in that I'm almost like a visitor to St. John's now, rather than a native. I forget how to get around town!
I am glad that you guys are coming back to Canada, though. Like Allyson said, the need to have family close by is a really strong one. I find more and more that things would not nearly be as hard or as daunting if I had you all close by to talk to.
You'd be questioning things if you stayed, too, so I suppose it's all about just taking a chance. And if you did end up going back to China, it would hardly be with your tail between your legs. It would not be a failure or anything, just an opportunity that didn't work out. We have to stop thinking about things in those terms; we need to be willing to take chances, even if they don't always work out the way we want them to.
Thanks for the support on this. For all the reasons described and more, this is not an easy choice...I'm going to have to just see what happens and let things fall where they may.
ReplyDelete